How Projection Silences Female Power?
When a Man Sees His Partner as “Mom”: Anima Projection and Its Toll on Women
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you feel more like your partner’s mother than his equal? Where you’re constantly picking up the pieces, managing emotions, and keeping everything afloat—while slowly watching your sexual energy and sense of self slip away?
If so, you’re not alone. And it’s not just about “bad behavior” or “laziness.” What you may be experiencing has deep psychological roots—namely, a dynamic known in Jungian psychology as anima projection.
Let’s unpack what this means and how it can covertly drain a woman’s vitality and power.
Understanding Projection and the Anima
According to Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, projection is an unconscious mechanism through which we assign our inner, disowned qualities onto others. It’s something all of us do—especially in relationships.
One of the most powerful forms of projection is when a man projects his anima—the feminine aspect of his unconscious psyche—onto a woman. This inner figure is shaped by early experiences, especially with the mother. If a man has not integrated this inner feminine, he may look to a romantic partner to embody and carry it for him.
The result? He stops relating to her as a full person, and starts relating to her as a symbol—often, one that unconsciously resembles his mother.
As Jungian analyst Anne Whitaker writes:
“When inner realities are not recognized or owned, they appear in the outside world through projection… A man with a mother-bound anima will choose a woman who wants to take care of him.”
He’s not truly in love with her, but with what she represents: the feeling of being safe, cared for, and accepted unconditionally. In short, he seeks the mother he never fully grieved, resisted, or outgrew.
When the Woman Becomes “Mom”
Once this projection is in place, the dynamic begins to shift. The woman slowly morphs into a caretaker figure. It starts small—doing a few extra things for him here and there—but over time, she begins managing his life, emotions, responsibilities, even self-worth.
In Jung’s words, such a man remains “passive like a child,” longing to be “sucked in, enveloped, and devoured” by the maternal figure. And without realizing it, his partner becomes that figure.
This is when the relationship subtly transforms into a maternal-child bond, rather than a lover-partner dynamic.
At first, this may feel like closeness or intimacy. But as time passes, it leads to imbalance. The woman feels increasingly burdened and underappreciated. Her desires are deprioritized. Her sensuality diminishes.
The Cost to the Woman: Diminished Eros, Identity & Autonomy
When a woman is projected into a maternal role, her erotic self is neutralized. Culture tells us that mothers are selfless, nurturing, and pure—not sensual, powerful, or wild. So when a man unconsciously casts his partner as “Mom,” he robs her of her sexual agency.
She may lose desire—not because she’s disinterested, but because her energy is consumed by caretaking. There’s no space for pleasure when you’re always managing someone else’s needs.
Over time, this dynamic eats away at her identity. Her hobbies, ambitions, and friendships may fall by the wayside. She feels fatigued, irritable, unseen. She might even feel guilty for wanting something more.
And it’s not just emotional. This long-term imbalance can lead to burnout, anxiety, resentment, and in some cases, even physical illness.
As one therapist puts it:
“When a woman becomes her partner’s mother, she loses her ability to be his lover. The polarity that fuels passion disappears.”
A Case Study: When Love Turns into Caretaking
Take Elena, a 37-year-old art teacher who came to therapy feeling “emotionally dead” in her marriage. Her husband Daniel, while kind and humorous, had become completely reliant on her. She scheduled his doctor’s appointments, managed their finances, and even coached him through workplace issues.
At first, she told herself it was love. But now, she felt invisible and numb.
In therapy, it became clear: Daniel had never emotionally separated from his mother. His anima projection placed Elena in a maternal role. And Elena—raised by a mother who expected perfection—fell right into it.
Once both partners understood the projection at play, the healing could begin.
How to Break Free: Reclaiming Adult Partnership
The good news is that these dynamics can be transformed—with awareness, inner work, and shared commitment.
For Men:
Integrate the anima: Cultivate your inner emotional life. Learn to soothe yourself instead of outsourcing that role to your partner.
Own your responsibilities: From daily tasks to emotional regulation—show up as a grown adult, not a boy in need of rescue.
Seek therapy: Especially if early maternal wounds are present. Your partner isn’t responsible for healing them.
For Women:
Stop over-functioning: Step out of the “superwoman” role. Let him fumble. Let him learn.
Reclaim your sensual self: Engage in what lights you up—dance, art, rest, pleasure. You are not only a caretaker.
Set clear boundaries: Say “no” to being the emotional manager. Say “yes” to your autonomy.
For Both:
Talk openly: Discuss how roles may have formed unconsciously. Name the projection without shame.
Renegotiate roles: Who does what, and why? What feels fair? What feels good?
Rebuild polarity: Encourage independence and mutual support. This creates the tension that sustains romance.
Final Thoughts: From Projection to Presence
The anima projection may begin as chemistry—but if left unchecked, it becomes a trap. A man remains a boy, and a woman becomes a shell of her true self.
Yet with courage, honesty, and a bit of inner excavation, this can change.
The man learns to embrace his own feminine side. The woman steps out of the mother archetype and back into her full, radiant power. And together, they form a conscious relationship where love is no longer confused with need, and caregiving no longer replaces desire.
True intimacy begins when we see—and love—each other not for who we need them to be, but for who they actually are.
Sources:
jungian-confrerie.com ; thecollector.com ; thirdeve.com ; rafaelkruger.com ; jamestobinphd.com ; psychologytoday.com
